choose pumped

If you read the previous post, you might be a bit worried. I wasn't really happy with how I played. It was really helpful to blurt out all that crap this morning, so thank for listening and sorry if it was a bit of a downer. 

I received this text last night before the show, and I just laughed back at the person that sent it.

I really should have payed it more attention. It was from a very good friend from that show that I mentioned before. The six month run. I had developed this thing where I would walk around to everyone before the show and ask them 'Are you pumped??'. If anyone asked me before a performance I would smile-growl through gritted teeth - 'PUMPED!!!" - with fist in the air.

I deliberately chose to generate pumped!!!

Apart from the performance anxiety, it is hard to do the same show over and over again, especially one as challenging as that one, so I developed this more positive mental practice before each show. It was a routine. It was a mental warm up where I would notice the feelings or exhaustion or boredom or general trepidation but then conjured up from somewhere the energy when I would walk around to all the beautiful people, who laughed and encouraged this crazy habit. 

I carried this practice past the show and it has been really helpful, even if I only say it to myself. If someone asks me how I am however, I usually respond with this word. 

Today I remembered that process and engaged with PUMPED and the show went much better. I split less notes, I had less little mini panic attacks before a difficult entry. 

Whenever I feel the butterflies, or my mind starting to wander onto fear I say my mantra and it hooks me into the energy and the upward spiral.

Winning.