the instructor

Both of my daughters are learner drivers and yesterday I spent over four hours in the car with my older daughter (who's birthday it is today!!). We drove up into the country along some winding roads, had some amazing food and walked through nature. It was a wonderful day.

But then I had a show to do. Exhausted.

This is me climbing over a mountain of exhaustion

This is me climbing over a mountain of exhaustion

I warmed up as always, walked up the scaffolding to my chair, chatted and did the usual growl to get into the mood. All good.

About 10 minutes in a missed a note, on pops Perfectionism and my heart starts pumping in Panic. It is like I didn't have enough adrenaline and...oh I don't know. I think I am overthinking again.

At some point during the show I noticed that it was like I had someone sitting next to me, saying soothing things, directing me, telling me 'it will be ok...you can  do it..you have done this before...just focus on the notes...remember how you have done this many times before?...just put your attention on the notes...slow down your thinking...take a deep breath...pour your heart into this bit here...don't forget to count this bit here...Oooh, you like this bit, remember?...Yes, Panic is here but you don't want them driving your bus, do you?'

Again, I did not choose this passenger. She just arrived. Maybe it was the four hours of instruction I had done that, but I must say it was so comforting and helpful to have her there to guide me through the familiar, yet still scary landscape of this horn part.

It was like my own 'advisor' had jumped on board without me even realising what was happening. Maybe I should invite her on for tonight and see what she has to say...

Deborah HartComment