sadly and wearily majestically

The matinee today was tough.

For no reason whatsoever, I felt sad and weary. Sort of a depressive feeling. I didn't want to smile. Couldn't smile.

I felt deflated and unpumped. Like I had the air sucked out of me. I had a hole in my inner tube. I tried to pump it up, but the air kept leaking out.

But it is not about what I feel like. I value being professional and responsible. I value sounding good. Accurate, in tune, good phrasing. I care about the paying audience who have come to watch the show.

There is also a persistent voice that is there for always present before and during performances: 'You don't know WHO is out there in the audience today'. It could be someone who's opinion I really care about. Giving in to this sad and weary feeling could come and bite me on the arse.

I tried to lock into the grooves. I really love some of this music and it is hard to sit still. Rocking along helps lift my mood a little. Not playing like a total idiot lifts my mood a little.

I get through the show. It is professional and I am pretty sure the audience couldn't tell I was sad and weary. 

I hope they only heard majestic.


Deborah HartComment