sadly and wearily majestically
The matinee today was tough.
For no reason whatsoever, I felt sad and weary. Sort of a depressive feeling. I didn't want to smile. Couldn't smile.
I felt deflated and unpumped. Like I had the air sucked out of me. I had a hole in my inner tube. I tried to pump it up, but the air kept leaking out.
But it is not about what I feel like. I value being professional and responsible. I value sounding good. Accurate, in tune, good phrasing. I care about the paying audience who have come to watch the show.
There is also a persistent voice that is there for always present before and during performances: 'You don't know WHO is out there in the audience today'. It could be someone who's opinion I really care about. Giving in to this sad and weary feeling could come and bite me on the arse.
I tried to lock into the grooves. I really love some of this music and it is hard to sit still. Rocking along helps lift my mood a little. Not playing like a total idiot lifts my mood a little.
I get through the show. It is professional and I am pretty sure the audience couldn't tell I was sad and weary.
I hope they only heard majestic.