sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rocking the bus
Yes! That was really helpful.
I sat down at the beginning of the show and deliberately welcomed Perfectionism and Shame on board. I mentally pictured them sitting behind me.
While Shame is just a whiney simpering wimp who sits there silently until I splat a note and then stands up and moans, Perfectionism looks a bit like Pauline Hanson and is constantly vigilant, up out of her seat leaning over my shoulder, micromanaging every breath and eye movement. She runs a harsh, critical and judgemental diatribe, a melting pot of every lesson, every teacher, every conductor, every nasty colleague.
I noticed some interesting things when I welcomed these two rascals onto the performance bus:
- I could talk to Perfectionism and ask her what she wanted. She answered that she was only doing because she cared about me. As she said that, the expression on her face changed from mean to kindness. Her voice softened a little and her movements were less jerky and forceful.
- As her face softened, she seemed to get up less often and sat a little more relaxed in her seat.
- I noticed how pervasive Perfectionism was. She was there for every single note. She did not leave the bus at all during the performance. She was on constant alert. (...a bit like being a mother of two learner drivers...argggg)
- The softer Perfectionism became, the less Shame showed up and the wash of shame became weaker.
- From the moment I welcomed Perfectionism and Shame on board, Joy and Gratitude showed up of their own accord. It really was quite a natural thing.
Without all the pushing away of negative thoughts, without the forced gratitude, I felt free to enjoy.