After a day off the show, and a day without the horn I was feeling refreshed and really soaked up the groove in the first few songs.
I remembered to place deliberate attention toward focussing on the notes. I felt I had the measure of this show. The peaks and troughs. Where I needed to ramp up the attention, where I could relax, where the passengers usually get on.
I got through most of the show and it seemed as if the passengers had forgotten to get on. Perfection and Shame had missed the bus!
It seemed as if I actually didn't have any passengers, although Perfectionism and Shame did finally catch up at the very end when something went wrong in the band and people started chatting and I lost my attention.
Splat. Perfection. Shame. On they hopped. But they were small and quite. They waved, just made a little whisper, to make sure that I knew they were still there for me when I needed them.
What was interesting was that I noticed I was playing with energy and joyfulness for most of the show. Playing felt comfortable. Free and 'in the flow'. I suppose that is the natural state of things after about 10 run throughs, maybe? I shouldn't speak too soon I suppose.
Is playing 'Joyfully' a value that I could create for myself? Could I try to create the conditions for 'Joyful'?
I also noticed that I had space to remember a mantra I had used in the past. At the tricky bits today I would say to myself lean in. That seems to be a helpful mantra. It sort of encourages me to surf the anxiety, jump into the unknown.
I am becoming more skilful at noticing and allowing passengers new and old, so maybe as I develop my willingness for these passenger and allowing them on, might it be also possible that some passengers don't even actually bother to get on sometimes?
Could I also then lean into joyful?