unwilling to let go of my stories
The story I tell myself about myself makes sense.
All my memories, all my thoughts and beliefs about myself is what makes me me. These stories are true and I am not going to let go of them.
I hold the stories so tight. I grip onto them to be safe.
Stories about how I nearly won that audition. Stories about how talented I am. Stories about how much I deserve to succeed, more deserving than that person. Stories about how I will never be enough, not strong enough or talented enough or perfect enough. And stories about how I will never get what I want.
Stories like - I know that I deserve that job. I know I am not good enough for that job. They should give it to me this time.
I will have my best day and they will pick me.
I know that if I want it enough I will win. I obviously don't want it enough.
I am fat and ugly. I am unlovable. I can't do this, it is too hard.
If I am not my stories, then who am I?